Coaching is similar to counselling in many ways. It’s purpose is to improve the quality of our lives by having honest and open conversations about what is going on, where we want to get to and being supported to make it happen. It is not like a typical conversation with have with a friend or partner, which often give advice or tell you to ‘be realistic’. Instead we have the life-changing conversations that make a real tangible difference in your life. When we set ourselves a goal, we often find those old self-limiting beliefs rise up in many different guises. They tell us that the future will be like the past. But it doens’t have to be that way. The future is waiting for you to write it…
Many of the problems that keep us stuck have a strong relational aspect. We may be locked into conflict with our boss or spouse, we may find it hard to trust people, we may find relationships difficult. We cannot escape relationships of one kind or other. As difficult as they may be, relationships also provide us with the greatest sense of satisfaction in life when we are open to others; knowing and being known, loving and being loved.
In my experience, problems in relationship are also solved in relationship. When we expose the hidden parts of ourselves to another, and experience ourselves understood and accepted, then we can begin to understand and accept ourselves. The parts of ourselves which were hidden, slowly make their way into the light, to find their unique expression. That is why the therapeutic relationship, the connection you have with your counsellor or coach, is so important. I will help you to become aware of the experiences and feelings you have in therapy, so that you can find new ways of being with other people.
If we don’t set any goals, how will we know when we have arrived?
As we start out, I will help you to set goals for yourself to gain the greatest benefit for your efforts. Engaging in coaching is making an investment in yourself. Setting goals from the outset ensures that you gain a return on your investment. Asking yourself what you want out of coaching is a crucial question. No, it’s THE crucial question! The agreed goals set the direction and focus of our work together, enabling you to create the life you want.
Many aspects of our personality and character stem from unconscious processes established from childhood. As children we find strategies for staying safe, or avoiding conflict, or maintaining close bonds of love and affection. These help us to survive and get through some tough times. Sometimes these unconscious (out of awareness) strategies can cause problems as we bring them into adulthood. They become the lens through which we see the world, however unhelpful or untrue. Thankfully, with some help, we can identify these unhelpful patterns and work towards exploring alternative ways to view and interact with the world around us.
Since these limiting beliefs have always been with us, they are often hard for us to identify and see the impact they have on our lives. It takes a deep coaching conversation to uncover and move past them. You CAN achieve truly great things!
In the same way that you are important and unique, so is the story of your life so far. No matter how much of a struggle, or how traumatic, your past has helped shape you to be the person you are today. Your story is worth telling and surprising change can happen in the process. When you revisit past events by talking about them, you honour your past and may find new meaning. Past events cannot be changed, but how they live inside of us, how we respond to them can radically change. As you tell your story of whatever you have endured, you may notice many of the strengths, skills and resources you have drawn upon to make it this far.
Religious traditions recognise the power behind telling stories: Moses dealing with the wandering tribes, Jesus teaching using the art of parables, and Buddha attaining Enlightenment under the bodhi tree. Stories connect with our sense of meaning – which is about as close as we can get the the heart of Life. What is your story?